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Dr. Gabor Maté on Attachment and Addiction
March 28, 2016
By Sat Dharam Kaur (http://beyondaddiction.ca/author/sdk/)
When it comes to addiction, I’m going to introduce the word ‘attachment’ to you. Attachment is an interesting
word, because it has two meanings. If you want to talk in terms of negatives and positives, it has the negative
meaning of clinging, or craving, or grasping onto ideas, behaviours, substances, relationships, or situations that are
negative for us. In fact, that’s the denition of addiction; any behaviour that gives you temporary pleasure, relief,
that you crave, that you cling to despite negative consequences, is an addiction.
In other words, addictions are a form of what the Buddhists call attachment. We’re just too attached, or we’re
attached period. Whenever it talks about clinging or attachment, it’s to everything; our form, our bodies, our esh,
our ideas, our perceptions, and our relationships. It’s that clinging that creates suffering. The rst ‘noble truth’,
that life is suffering, has to do with the fact that life is suffering because we cling, and we crave, and we’re
attached.
Since life is, by denition, impermanent – in fact, non-permanence is a truth, therefore the loss of the things that
we’re attached to create suffering for us. As soon as you cling, you’re going to suffer; as soon as you crave and get
attached to anything, you’re going to suffer. The rst ‘noble truth’ is the fact of suffering itself; second is that the
source of suffering is the clinging and the craving, which is to say, in a broad sense, addiction.
‘Addiction’, the word, comes from a Latin word for somebody who’s a slave. Addiction by denition means ‘slavery’,
which is to say you’re not in charge. You’re a slave; you’re not in charge, the craving is in charge, the clinging is in
charge. So when you do the rst step in the twelve step program, you admit that you’re powerless; you admit that
you’re a slave to something bigger than yourself.
So that’s the Buddhist sense of attachment, but it’s very interesting because in modern psychology we also talk
about attachment. But when we talk about attachment in modern psychology, what are we talking about?
Connection. We’re talking about a relationship. We’re talking about a very dynamic without which life is
impossible; attachment in the sense of love, attachment in the sense of the biological drive for closeness and
proximity to another human being for the purpose of being taken care of, or for the purpose of taking care of the
other. So attachment is the dynamic that pulls two bodies together, just like gravity, and its essential survival
purpose is the taking care of, or being taken care of. You can actually see, at the beginning of life and at the end of
life, that without attachment there is no life.
So you have this very positive sense of attachment, this closeness, for caregiving purposes. Then you have the
other meaning of attachment, which is the clinging that makes you addicted and creates suffering. There’s a deep
and powerful relationship between the two forms of attachment. In fact, it’s the absence of the one kind of
attachment that creates the other kind of attachment. In other words, when our attachment needs as young
children and infants are not met, we compensate for that by creating an attachment to things that can’t possibly
satisfy us but momentarily give us the sense of satisfaction.
That is what an addiction is: something that momentarily gives you a sense of satisfaction, but ultimately creates
suffering. It’s the lack of one kind of attachment that creates the other kind of attachment. The less attachment
you had as an infant and young child, the more attachments you’re going to have as an adult. The less of the
positive attachment, the more of the negative attachment. By positive I mean attachment that creates peace,
strength, self-awareness, presence, and groundedness, and by negative attachment I mean all that undermines
this satisfaction, groundedness, or presence.
We judge ourselves for our negative attachments, but I’m suggesting we approach it differently. I’m suggesting
that we approach our negative attachments, which is to say our addictions, not as something as we should judge as
bad or as something that we should be ashamed of, but recognizing that they are our attempts to compensate for
the attachments that we didn’t get. As soon as you understand that, you have compassion for the creature that
didn’t get the attachment that she needed, or he needed, and therefore developed this craving, which is the other
kind of attachment.
The addiction, if you will, or the negative attachment, the harmful attachment, can become a guide to the
attachment that you didn’t get in the rst place. Nothing to be ashamed of; as a matter of fact, a natural
consequence.
The above passage from Dr. Maté was recorded at a Beyond Addiction workshop in Vancouver in 2015.

Men, especially young men, are reacting to a rapidly changing world
Clinical psychiatrist, academic, award-winning author, public speaker, poet and podcaster. He is
the author of eight books, including the global bestseller The Secret Life of the Unborn Child and
2021’s The Embodied Mind: Understanding the Mysteries of Cellular Memory, Consciousness
and Our Bodies.
Today, as a society, we are under a great deal of stress. Men and women, LGBTQ people, racialized people, Indigenous people and new immigrants are experiencing these rapidly changing
times differently. An in-depth discussion of these differences would take a book, not a column,
so, in this piece I have elected to focus on men.
Richard V. Reeves, a British American scholar, argues that men are struggling to adapt to rapid
and unsettling social transformations. He contends that the advancement of women’s rights,
combined with the economy’s move from physical labour to knowledge-based work, has
deprived many men of what Scottish psychiatrist R.D. Laing called “ontological security,” a stable
sense of identity. Reeves warns that men now face the danger of becoming “culturally redundant.” This crisis is reflected in men’s retreat from the work force and reduced participation in
fatherhood. Its effects are especially acute for Black men, gay men and for men without college
degrees, who endure falling real wages, shorter life spans, and collapsing family structures.
Between 1968 and 2023, the suicide rate for young men in the U. S. nearly doubled. [1] Reeves
stresses that the situation is so grave it demands urgent social action. As he puts it, “working for
gender equality now requires focusing on boys rather than girls.” [2]
A team of reporters from The Economist spoke with young adults in 20 countries and found a
recurring theme. University educated heterosexual women often expressed frustration over the
shortage of well-educated, open-minded men for romantic relationships. Meanwhile, many
young working-class men complained that feminism has overreached and is limiting opportunities for men. [3]
Pikeville, Ky., often called “the whitest and second-poorest congressional district in the USA,”
was the site of Arlie Russell Hochschild’s University of California, Berkeley, recent study. ProThe complex crisis facing men today
The Globe and Mail (Ontario Edition) · 29 Aug 2025 · THOMAS R. VERNY OPINION THE AGE OF BREAKTHROUGHS To see the
footnotes for this story, go to tgam.ca.
fessor Hochschild interviewed blue-collar men in small churches, hillside hollers, roadside
diners, trailer parks, and Narcotics Anonymous meetings. She found the town’s politics deeply
influenced by grief over “stolen pride” and the shame tied to the area’s economic and social
decline. She found some embrace a “bootstrap pride,” while others, such as Matthew Heimbach,
co-founder of the neo-Nazi Traditionalist Workers Party, adopt what she calls the identity of
moral rebels. [4]
Whether in Appalachia or anywhere else men feel left out, not needed or not valued, the likelihood of them becoming depressed and suicidal or angry and violent increases exponentially.
They also occupy a growing presence in the “manosphere,” a loose network of communities that
claim to address men’s struggles. [5] These groups are united by an opposition to feminism and
cast men as “victims” of the current social and political climate.
The November Institute, a leading men’s health organization in the U.K. surveyed more than
3,000 young men aged 16 to 25 across the U.K., U.S. and Australia. They found that two thirds of
young men regularly engage with masculinity influencers online. And almost one third (27 per
cent) of young men watching masculinity influencers reported feelings of worthlessness. Both
figures are alarming, as is the popularity of extreme language in the manosphere which not only
normalizes violence against women and girls but has growing links to radicalization and
extremist ideologies. [6]
The cacophony of social media gets even shriller and more disorienting for men and women by
female influencers who preach that for women housewifery is the highest form of wellness, an
antidote to the soulless demands of professional life. At a conservative women’s conference in
June, podcast host Alex Clark urged thousands of attendees to embrace this outlook: “Less
Prozac, more protein. [What does that mean? Did anyone ask?] Less burnout, more babies. Less
feminism, more femininity.” Ironically, no one seems to have questioned Ms. Clark’s qualifications to speak on this subject, considering she is single and childless. [7]
These are complex issues arising from decades of political, economic and technological realignment. In addition, there are wars, mass migrations, climate change, virus epidemics, AI and
wildfires to contend with.
Politicians have noticed. For example, Barack Obama joined his wife Michelle recently on a podcast titled, What’s Right About Young Men, They pointed out the dearth of hands-on, engaged
fathering in many families; the lack of male teachers in the educational system; and the difficulty men have in making male friends. “Approach boys and men with empathy and compassion, not blame and shame,” said the Obamas. [8].
Last month, Jennifer Siebel Newsom, wife of California Governor Gavin Newsom, wrote, “Our
young men and boys are facing a crisis of loneliness and social isolation that is showing up in
their mental health, educational outcomes, future economic opportunities, and more. Raising
healthy boys will take all of us – moms, dads, teachers, coaches, and mentors – working
together to find new ways forward.” [9].
Sentiments I share. However, as I attempt to understand this very complex issue I am reminded
of what we were taught early on in medical school: “structure determines function.” In other
words, the way something is built or organized determines how it operates, behaves or feels.
Most people don’t realize the truly profound influence that sex hormones have in shaping our
brains and bodies.
Right at conception, male embryos initiate the production of testosterone and female embryos of
estrogen. With respect to the brain, the left hemisphere, generally considered primarily the analytical part of the brain, develops more in men whereas the right hemisphere that processes
information of an emotional and intuitive type is more developed in women. Women are better
connected to both hemispheres than men and their language area is larger, which enhances
social communication. Men’s brain activity is more tightly coordinated within local brain
regions, which supports analytical thinking and focused attention. [10]
Estrogen is crucial for the development of female sexual characteristics, including breast development. It regulates the growth of the uterine lining and prepares the body for ovulation.
Testosterone in males is essential for the development of male sex organs, sperm production,
and the maintenance of muscle mass, bone density and body hair. It also affects libido and
mood. In females, testosterone plays a role in sexual desire and arousal. Testosterone contributes
to greater dominance-seeking and risk-taking behaviour in boys and men.
Recent research has shown that after a child is born, mothers and other female caregivers tend
to encourage behaviour which is positive, helpful, and intended to promote social acceptance and
friendship in their daughters, while fathers and other male caregivers tend to be rambunctious
and more physical with male children, fostering in them individuality over sociability, thought
over feeling and action over language. Mothers tend to talk more expressively to their daughters
than their sons, thus fostering in them a stronger awareness of their emotions than in boys. [11].
While obviously it’s not the only determinant, you can surmise how differences in their sex hormones, brain anatomy and early parenting can lead to men and women developing very basic
personality differences. Girls and women tend to become more outgoing, more verbal, more in
touch with their senses and feelings, more protective of the weak and more observant than boys.
In contrast, males tend to develop traits like assertiveness, aggression and competitiveness, a
heightened inclination toward status hierarchies, and a focus on leadership roles.
In the past, such personality traits defined the ideal of masculinity: strong, silent, principled,
incorruptible, emotionally reserved, often a family man and good provider. These norms were
upheld for generations by entrenched social, religious, economic, political, and cultural systems.
In our time, however, those systems have undergone dramatic transformations, reshaping how
both men and women perceive masculinity.
Male biology imparts a conservative outlook on life with a preference for the status quo. Because
they are less verbal than women, they tend to act out their feelings, which can lead to violence or
addictions.
A number of men in the West believe that women are ascending to positions of prestige and
power that they once held. It is a kind of cultural teeter-totter. Women are seen as rising triumphant, while men, in free fall, feel defeated and angry. It’s hard to measure but it seems to me
an equal number of women must think just the opposite, given the erosion of reproductive
rights, the rise in domestic violence and femicide, persistent pay inequality and the vitriol
women in power face daily online and in the media.
In this column I have focused on how men, particularly young men, are reacting to a world that
is rapidly undergoing cataclysmic changes. Of course, men are not a homogeneous entity, “one
size fits all.” There are huge differences between urban and rural men, men executives and men
factory workers, racialized men, queer men, etc. Furthermore, men do not live in a vacuum. They
live with women, surrounded by and in relationships with women. There is strong evidence that
both men and women are presently in distress.
It is one thing to diagnose: it’s another to come up with a remedy. We live on this planet, in this
ecosystem with our unique biopsycho-social personalities, strengths and weaknesses. We are all
in this mess together. We need to learn to get along with each other, to build bridges, not fences, to try to understand and not judge.

The Globe and Mail (Ontario Edition) · 29 Aug 2025 · THOMAS R. VERNY